More than just a feeling…

How does anxiety manifest in you? Here is my story of one day in my anxiety ridden journey.

I woke up today and I was good, I was calm and totally going to own today. God and I had a nice talk before I even got out of bed… I did fine for a few hours.

I redid my home office and got so much work done, then one text I felt like I said the wrong thing to a friend… and my overthinking started, a canceled lunch date with someone I didn’t really even want to eat with and anxiety reared it’s ugly head.

I am at a stage in my life, I never thought I would be at and I am so unsettled. I had everything a woman could want great job, grown, successful kids, two dogs, two cars, home in suburbia and a the best friends any woman could ever want….

My marriage was always on the rocks, we fought addiction issues from day one but I loved him. He was my prince in shining armor. When we were good, and the addiction was under control, we were the best. We had our family and relationship prioritized. We still fought the normal marriage issues – money, schedules, not enough time for sex, not enough time for each other with all the kids activities.. we had 5 together… taking care of aging parents.. etc.

The addiction took over and I was going to stay for the family, but I was checked out mentally. I was mad and bitter. During the 2020 COVID quarantine, he asked for a divorce 3 times and every time I said yes, but we just kept going.

After the 3rd time, I filed. Third times a charm for me!

So fast forward 7 months after filing we are divorced and everything blew wide open recently. There has been no time to heal and work through any “phases”. Everyone always ask me what phase I am in? I am in the holy shit… can I get through the day without feeling like my chest will explode at some point? I am sure there are phases of grief.. that you go through, I am just trying to get through the week.

Today, I drove my friends crazy with my overthinking and sadness, it just went from one to another. My friends are angels, though and they virtually held my hand and loved me!

Anxiety is a bitch.. she makes me terrified I will lose what little I have left… she will not win today, I am leaving her here.

Counting my blessings – there are so many.

If you are struggling today, reach out to a friend. Write it down, give it to God. Cuddle your fur baby. Call your mom!

Anxiety is a lie.